Sixteen Candles

Lazy Sunday afternoons - they are the best. Wish everyday was like that. While channel surfing yesterday, I stumbled upon the movie "Sixteen Candles" on amctv. A bit weird that I found myself watching it again considering that I've seen it so many times, but somehow I never get tired of watching it. It's like spending one afternoon as a 80s obsessed teenager stuck in the year 2005 when hip hop is all the rage, while I still prefer music from bands like Thompson Twins, Tears for Fears, or Duran Duran. Or, it must be that cute guy that Molly Ringwald ("Samantha" in the movie) had a big crush on in the movie. What was the name of that actor who played "Jake"? Hmm. Let me check right now...Okay, his name is Michael Schoeffling. I don't really know what happened to this actor. He was kind of cute!Did he have any other movies after this one?

Anyways, I particularly found the wedding scene at the church quite hilarious as Samantha's older sister (i.e., the bride) overdoses on muscle relaxant pills. Overall, my favorite scene is when Samantha walks out from the church only to find Jake waiting outside for her. What I most enjoy about this movie is the simplicity of how things appeared to be at that time wherein a crush back then was just a crush. Nothing else. I can't say much about many of the teenage movies nowadays that seem to focus more on sex like American Pie, which is still very funny, but the humor just seems to lack that innocence that most movies back then had. Times have truly changed, indeed.

Color blind

Saturday was clean up day. Isn't funny how cleaning up sometimes turns into an extended exercise where you find yourself sifting through magazines and cutting out articles, or opening up old books and reading a page or two. Among the things that were gathering dust and a whole lot of allergens were my wedding photos. I realized that my colors were uncoordinated. I never though much of it back then, but nowadays color coordination and matching is so important. Okay, what happened? Why did I have an ivory gown and yet chose periwinkle and white as my colors? It hit me that my table's linens were periwinkle, but the table overlay was white. Or, why was the cake ivory, while the invitations were white and periwinkle? I think I must have gotten so caught up in the details that nobody asked if everything matched with periwinkle! I must have been color blind, which is probably why blue jeans and a white tee are my staple weekend wear.

Ironies

A week filled with twists:

Monday
I get stuck in traffic only to get to work for a meeting that was cancelled

Tuesday
Waiter forgets my order of grilled chicken pasta. I complain. I get it at half-price.

Wednesday
The auto insurance sends me a check for the rear end. See previous post.

Thursday
I usually buy Coffeemate flavored cream in Caramel, but inadvertently get Hazelnut. Must be colorblind because the Caramel comes in an orange bottle and the Hazelnut comes in yellow. Hazenut’s not bad at all.

Friday
I am just glad that the week is over.

Whenever days like these happen, I'm thinking if the next week will be the same. While I do have a stupid dinner party to go to, I just want to stay home. My husband says that maybe it just seems worse because of PMS. PMS! No, events like these happen with or without it. They happen whether for a good reason or nothing at all.

Should I stay or should I go?

We all attend parties whether by formal or informal invitation as long as the host personally extends an invitation, which is usually several weeks or days ahead of the party. But, what happens if the invitation was made at the last minute? This is my dilemma. A phone message was left by one of my former officemates inviting me to her husband’s birthday – supposedly a surprise event for him that she’s been planning for a while. The main issue here is why are you inviting me on the Thursday before the party that is a Saturday dinner at a restaurant. I’m thinking that since it is at a fancy place that she would have sent out invitations, right? I feel like an understudy right now considering that perhaps not enough guests sent in their RSVPs and they are now short on guests. Hmm. I know I may sound like a prima dona, but I really feel the consolation prize at a raffle. Yes, it was nice of her to invite me, but she should have contacted me at least sooner, since calling me at the last minute seems a bit desperate.

Runaway runaway...

What did I say about "runaway grooms?" They're happening more often. See my previous posts about other runaways.

It would be an honor if...

An invitation to a wedding is always an honor unless you’re invited to a covert wedding op - turned drug bust. Yes, the bride and groom were undercover agents. From illegal drugs to counterfeit cigarettes, over 80 wedding “guests” were charged with smuggling such goods into the US from countries such as Thailand and China through ports in Jersey and LA. Even the FBI took extra care in planning the wedding by letting guests know that transportation would be provided to the ceremony, which was to be held on a yacht. A yacht wedding - how fancy! I wonder what kind of favors they had planned to give out? Hmm. Personalized handcuffs!

Weekends that end too soon

Fridays come too slowly; Sundays end too quickly. Right around 7pm, that blue sinking feeling creeps up - beckoning that Monday doom is back. Although the weekend was filled with a bit of fun and excitement, it really just ends too soon. The fun and excitement I'm talking about was a small Japanese tea party at my bestfriend's birthday dinner. She had lived in Japan for a while and gave us some pretty neat party favors by putting together a small bunch of Japanese tea cookies paired with green tea packets, and placed everything in a box tied in a product called an organza wrap from Bellenza.com, which offers some pretty unique wedding favors. Shelly is pretty creative and I must say that the wrap idea was quite a cool thing. Sigh, this is one weekend that I wished lasted longer.



- You can get them at Mitsuwa - a great Japanese grocery with branches also on the East Coast.



- You can get them online at Bellenza.

Bow tie vs. neck tie

Bow tie vs. neck tie. The odds of seeing a man wearing a bow tie are probably 1 in every 50, or maybe more. While ties are certainly more common than bow ties, whenever I see a man wearing a bow tie, there are several thoughts that come to mind, but namely, square, uptight, and square. Most of the guy friends I’ve asked say that they would never wear a bow tie to work because it makes them look pretentious. Someone even said that it looks too “school boyish” for them. Others indicate that it's too hard to tie a bowtie or it feels too tight on their neck. Or, is it visions of seeing DOMs in bowties with fat cigars that really makes them so unappealing.

Perhaps most men don’t like wearing a bow tie except when they have to wear a tuxedo. It might not be the fashionable thing to wear, but it may be cool and trendy if:

- the latest fashion runways start showing models in bowties
- rappers ike Snoop Dogg started wearing them in their videos
- or if Brad Pitt was caught wearing one

I’m sure bowties will be less notorious for being odd or square. Imagine that!

Eyes, ears, and nose

Fall is definitely coming. My itchy eyes, runny nose, clogged nose, and incessant sneezing have made me well aware of that. Sinus headaches – you win! Every time summer begins to end and the weather starts getting a bit cooler, I can’t explain it, but my body just knows that it does not like the change in the season. This physical response was actually worse when I used to live in the Midwest. Spring was my enemy back then, but now that I live in LA, fall is the new foe. My only true form of relief comes in the summer when the weather is hot. A strange phenomenon, but one that is short lived. That’s probably why I had chosen to have my wedding back then early in June. For three months, just as most summer vacation hits, my allergies seem to do that same thing. I just wonder at how come some people can go through life without such allergies. But, coming from a family of allergy sufferers, there’s nothing much I can do except stock up on Flonase, Claritin, and populate my home with HEPA filters. Just about the only time that I felt “normal” was during a two-week vacation in Kauai. My nose could not have been happier.

Huff puff and I'll blow your lungs away

That little stick of death. More than twenty years ago, I used to think nothing of it when the people around me used to puff from this white little stick – not more than 3-4 inches long. On Sunday gatherings as the kids (i.e., my cousins and I) played around the pool, dad and the rest of my uncles would chat over barbecue, each with their white stick – puffing away circles of white smoke. Funny how naïve one can be as a child. Little did I know that I was not only being exposed to second hand smoke, but also my mom and brothers were equal victims to this insidious object – smaller than pencil, but potent like a sword. I remained ignorant until one day I learned that smoking causes cancer and cancer kills. Yes, that day was more than 10 – 15 years, since I first remember my dad smoking. From that day forward, everyone in my immediate family tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. It was a persistent battle cry from all of my siblings. Dad, please stop smoking. To his credit, he even tried hypnosis and stop for a while. Of course, he relapsed, but he eventually decided to stop “cold turkey” by the time he was in his late 30s. Perhaps at that time, we didn’t really understand why he would smoke. Why would someone who is married with kids, would want to take something that will eventually kill him? We just didn’t understand the power of being addicted to nicotine. Every now and then when I window shop at our outdoor mall, I am puzzled at how some couples choose to smoke together. Is it because they want to die together? Okay, a bit extreme, but I often wonder if one partner started smoking first, and got the other partner addicted. Is it that misery loves company or that it’s more fun when two puff together? Perhaps it’s the latter when I consider that one of my aunts who married my dad’s brother never smoked when she was single, and only began to smoke after getting married and taking care of two kids. Nevertheless, despite having more cynicism in tow and knowledge of smoking’s harmful consequences, I ask myself: is it a question of if or when my dad gets lung cancer? I do hope that I don’t have to face that question, but understand that I must be realistic in finding the answer.

Burger, fries, and a Coke

Before married life, deciding on what to eat was a fairly simple and straightforward activity. There was virtually no need to plan on what to cook for dinner, since dinner often meant eating whatever was left over from yesterday, or just ordering a personal pan pizza. On many lazy winter days, dinner was just a plain grilled cheese sandwich and a bowl of tomato soup. But, since leaving singlehood and becoming a wife, dinner has transformed into worrying about what to feed two people without cooking the same damn thing over and over again. Cooking for one was easy – small portions! For two, it becomes a bit tricky because most food items at the supermarket are packaged for families not two people. When buying a 2 lb. Container of ground beef for spaghetti, you can only cook so much of it with spaghetti or hamburgers that I end up without an appetite by the time it’s time to eat. Moreover, when one comes home from work, cooking is the last thing on your mind, but nowadays, it is the first thing I think about when kicking off my shoes. Shortly after arriving home, the words: “what’s for dinner?”, inevitably comes up. On PMS days, it’s even worse. I’m left wondering whether to just call out for Chinese food, or brave the kitchen and cook up something that will keep us from starving. I’m still quite amazed at how my mom managed to cook for a family of five everyday considering that she had to wake up for work at around 5:30am. Every time I think about her, I find myself thinking how the hell am I going to do that when we start to have kids of our own. On certain occasions, a flash of inspiration comes by probably from watching Rachel Ray on the Foodtv Channel, and I cook up something that my husband actually LIKES. Comments like “everything tastes the same” become nonexistent and a simple doze of praise makes me want to cook up something special the next time unless of course, I'm too damn tired to cook and clean up after dinner!

Rear end

Who gets hit while standing still in street traffic? Street traffic! Not even freeway bumper to bumper traffic. Only in LA. After getting our bumper hit by another car on Saturday, you'd think that would be the end of our rear end woes. Nope. Our registration sticker got stolen over the night.

Our gas

Living in LA, one must have a car. Forget taking the bus because:

A) There are too many weirdos and

B) Good luck, if the bus arrives on time

Therefore, with the rising prices of gas, it's just plain ridiculous! I've had to adjust my car lifestyle a bit like conserving on the use of my air conditioning, driving out only when I really need to like going to work or shopping, and walking more. But, by far, the most uncomfortable adjustment is driving up to the pump and seeing the cash go bye-bye. Boy, it's getting to be really expensive to commute by car over here.

To add some humour to this, my husband says that maybe we should go back to using horse carriages like they do when couples want to be romantic for a wedding.

Bow wow and Meow meow

Pets. Dogs, Cats, Fish, or Birds. We all love our pets. We even choose dogs and cats to be a part of the wedding entourage. They are so much a part of our lives that to many, they are like children. Just as marriage brings pets and owners together, divorce rips a marriage with pets with a little bit more complexity, since many states treat pets as legal possesions. Often couples must decide on their own as to how to split things/pets up. As many pets take on the role of being regarded as children to many childless couples, why should a custody battle be any different if the best interests of the children should be put first? In others words, joint custody of the pets may be the best option for pooches and felines alike.

An American in Paris

Perhaps the only true things about Paris Hilton is that one, Paris is a city in France, and two, that Hilton is a chain of American hotels. As it turns out, talk of wedding plans and marriage might not be true after all. Not even the groom's father knew of the nuptial plans!

Mother mother...

When we marry, we not only marry our fiancé, but for the most part, the rest of the family. And when it comes to the one family member that seems to receive more attention than others, it is the mother-in-law, also known as MIL. Most MILs receive much notoriety especially as being a “mama’s boy.” Also, they have been known to be overbearing or nosey wherein you know they are calling up just by the fateful caller ID blinking at 8am on Saturday. But, are they really as evil and overbearing as the movies portray them. Take the movie called “Monster-in-law,” which grossly exaggerated the future mother in law of the bride. While they are viewed in such a way, some fail to recognize that they to win one’s heart is to win their family as well. Some people may argue that you’re not marrying the whole family, you’re just marrying one member of the family, but when the family is a close-knit kind, one cannot avoid having peaceful relations without being fully accepted. An MIL need not be a foe. In fact, she can be a true friend particularly when you can’t find anyone else for babysitting. While some MILs have been found to be quite generous with cooking and cleaning, they are probably the most knowledgeable person about one’ own son or daughter. With this in mind, I think they’re not all that bad. I'm sure that not everyone shares this sentiment, and may actually have nightmare stories, that continue on in their daily lives.

Where's the remote?

Traditionally, dogs have long been considered as man’s best friend. But, lately, I beg to differ for sooner or later dogs will be displaced by an electronic device commonly known as the TV remote control. While there are also other remote control devices that man uses such as the garage door opener or the air conditioner control, the TV remote control tops the list for home essentials. And with satellite TV, the remote control will undoubtedly supersede most household electronic gadgets. Available in different designs from sleek black to silver bookmark-sized “remotes”, the remote as it is popularly called is often the most misplaced item in the house. However, most women know that they typically wind up in any of these places: underneath the sofa, between sofa cushions, or under the coffee table. Ironically, one of the most common places to lose a remote is on top of the TV unit itself. Perhaps honing devices should be attached to them considering how often they get lost at home. I’m sure every wife, mother, or sister has sometime in their lives been asked: "have you seen the remote - I was just using it?"

Peace and love

PDAs. Most people have at least one or have owned one. While most people view the PDA as a pocket-sized gadget that we rely on for our appointments and tasks, there is another type of PDA that has been around far longer than this technological device. This PDA, commonly known as “public display of affection,” exists in every culture in every country. It has many forms – just in different degrees. In some countries, it is also punishable by law to show too much PDA. Admittedly, I’ve never been the “affectionate displaying” type. In high school, it was both amusing and annoying to see couples girls attached like magnets to their boyfriends, while holding hands and kissing in the hallway. Normal, yes, but I roll my eyes up thinking about that time in my life. College was a little bit better as most of the people around me where a bit more discreet in their “ways.” While some people do not mind PDA as the French do, there are some people who find it offensive, uncomfortable, or plain awkward. From a more liberal mindset, I really don’t mind, but I certainly think couples should know what is appropriate behavior in public. In the end, there’s a simple saying that sums things up: at least “it’s better to make love not war”.

The shot below taken by the famous French photographer, Robert Doisneau, is one of my fav pics of a couple kissing in public.

Ruffles and lace

When I was younger, my mother was always said that I hated wearing dresses with little ruffles on the sleeve. To this day, I still do, but it has graduated on to dresses with flowers or rosette-like accents. I'm the plain type of dress girl. NO frills, no ruffles, no lace! As you can see, I'm not a girly-girl type. If there is lace, it better be subtle and simple. You can imagine what it was like finding a bridal gown. Moreover, when it came to selecting bridesmaid dresses, the same held true. Nothng fancy nor too revealing as you normally see today. So, to celebrate my taste in fashion. I bring you the "ugly dress find" of the month. It might transform to a weekly basis, if I'm successful and diligent enough:)

A real life wedding planner

To take the stress out of wedding planning, many brides and grooms choose to hire a wedding planner. But you never expect them to be the ones walking down the aisle - unless one should fall in love with the bride or groom, while planning the wedding of their dreams. Perhaps it's best to find a planner who's too old for both the bride and groom, or maybe one who is already married. I wonder to myself. Do these things really happen like in the movie - The Wedding Planner? I was sure amused when I read this story.

Helpful tip of the day:

A word of caution to all brides and grooms planning to hire a coodinator. Be very wary of whom you choose to hire. They could be ones you say, "I do" to instead.

Husbands and Wives

And they lived happily ever after…Not! As most movie and cartoons would like you to think, weddings appear to be easier than the marriage itself. This delusional depiction often comes in the form of a prince charming coming to take a helpless damsel, and they head off to the sunset. But, when you look at the whole thing it just doesn’t happen in real life. Take for instance, the number of blogs on the web dedicated to my idiot husband or bitchy wife. A search will yield you some interesting results from happy to gloomy writers posting whatever is their mind: http://neurotic-iraqi-wife.blogspot.com/; http://goodhusband.blogspot.com/; http://a-better-wife.com/; http://silly-husband.blogspot.com/; http://husband.blogspot.com/; http://www.imarriedanidiot.com/. As I was conducting this search, the most striking aspect of this search yielded that more women post their thoughts about husband on the web than men; probably because women find the web as a major outlet for letting off steam. I also found it quite amusing that when you search for in quotes for the following in Google:

“my idiot husband”, several search results pop up - showing 1,010 results for "my idiot husband".;

however, for “my idiot wife”, surprising results show only about 49 for "my idiot wife";

lastly, for "my bitchy wife" you get , some of these results are written by women themselves, so it might not really mean anything, but it's just interesting to see what appears - only 822 for "bitchy wife".

Not in front of the kids

Quarrels, arguments, disagreements – call it whatever you like. They never quite start or end the same and certainly don’t end with a kiss and make up ending like in the movies. There are many self-help books like Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus; all aiming to provide help for understanding the opposite sex. However, little do these authors realize that men and women are from earth! Each man and woman is a different and complex creature that can only be understood on an individual basis. You don’t know a man or a woman until you have lived with them. Also, many of these counseling programs on TV like Dr. Phil only perpetuate the image that men are the problem, but sometimes, women are also to blame, which is not always depicted as such. Equally more saddening is when a couple fights in public. A scene at a restaurant says it all with the wife complaining that the husband spends too much time at work. This scenario may seem like a sad story, but it happens in a lot of marriages. What could be worse is fighting around the children. I find it truly disturbing when parents quarrel in front of kids, which includes babies. Children may not comprehend the problem, but to them it can be traumatizing.

In a nutshell, parents – don’t fight in front of the kids, find a way to work things out, and communicate when something is not right.

Find help:

The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

True Listening Can be a Challenge

How to Resolve Conflicts -- Without Offending Anyone

Dress me up

When it comes to figuring out what to wear to a party, black is the common choice for many women wanting to appear slimmer and taller than our usual size. In the fashion world, a black dress can work wonders on a figure in more ways than we know. But, is it appropriate to wear black to a wedding or similar type of event? The vast majority of people I asked said that it would be a bad judgment in etiquette, since you’d most likely wear black to a funeral or wake, or are in mourning. I gather that it would be entirely conspicuous to be wearing a black dress at a daytime summer wedding when everyone else is wearing a lightweight summer dress or dress shirt. I suppose it may be different if the wedding was an evening event with more formality and using a wrap or a shawl to complete the outfit would be okay. Beyond this scenario, if you’re still torn about wanting to wear a dark outfit, there’s always blue or brown, but in the summer, I don’t think these colors would fly. Personally, if somebody wore black to my wedding, birthday, or other similar celebration, I wouldn't be to apt to invite them again as a guest.