The times?

My postal experience has yielded something worth thinking about..Do wives make better husbands and vice versa? Or, do women make better husbands, and men make better wives? This really got me thinking yesterday. Why? Perhaps it’s because my best friend’s husband is always taking care of their newborn baby boy. She works all the time at a music company, while he stays home with the kid. He is a super dad. Changes diapers, does the grocery, and etc. Stays up all night. Short of breastfeeding, I’d say that he’s virtually a mom. When I look at both of their personalities, though, she is a total type A – drive hard – I want to have it all kind of woman. There’s nothing wrong with that, but can women really have it all while having a career? In her case, since they have essentially reversed roles, I can see how her husband is making a better wife. Yet again, maybe I should go back and ask the more fundamental question: what is the role of a husband and that of a wife? Seems like our changing society has blurred the once definitive roles that men and women hold in marriage. Am I crazy to think that this is not really about the changing roles of women as wives, but more so out of the inherent fit one’s personality and career goals are set that ultimately dictates these roles. I believe that these have not changed per say, but have rather evolved to reflect the times.

Going postal

It’s hot. It’s noisy. I’m standing in line at the downtown post office with my mail in tow. The only form of entertainment available is a close caption TV with a US postal instructional video on how to package mail. Next time, I’ll be sure to buy my stamps at the machine, which means I must have enough cash to put into the machine, which means I have to go to the Atm at a safe hour. Useless afterthought, but it’s sure better than staying idle. Ironically, this experience is not a completely wasted fragment of my LA existence, though certainly one that could be avoided. Amidst this mind numbing experience, a voice cries out silently and asks: do wives make better husbands, and vice versa? Hmm. Is this some spontaneous thought begging to come out of the monotony or a valid question somewhere residing in my dynamic female mind! I have to think about this one…Maybe the answer will come out when I’m waiting in rush hour traffic. To be continued...

Ka-ching bride

After watching Katie Couric's interview with Jennifer Milbank's on MSNBC, I was left in awe more than anything else. She did make it a little clear that she had two choices: 1) pop a bottle of pills, or 2) take the Greyhound. Hmm. What I still don't understand from the interview was whether or not she actually decided to run from the actual wedding, the groom, or perhaps both. Am I only the one left with this pressing question?

Throughout the interview, I was more amazed at the fact, that her fiance still stuck it out with her by going on TV? Loser or just desperate? Don't you think he needs therapy as well? Nodding head....What's next for them? One sure thing, though, she's sure making money with all those paid interviews. Maybe she needs the money to pay back all the wedding vendors that got ditched. Did I forget to mention that she also has an agent?

Seems like the judge who handled her case was pretty lenient. Considering that she made national TV and got her whole town involved, 120 hours of community service is a slap on a wrist!

A dress unlike any other

On any given day, when you pick a wedding magazine, it is not difficult to find a wedding gown. Normally, when you walk into a bridal boutique, there are more than enough gown choices to make one giddy. These scenarios only apply to brides who belong to the world above a certain height. That height is the 5’3 and above world where gown designers have ignored short people. Short people who also have to get married. The world has yet to be made for petite brides! Why don’t you see any models donning the latest gown designs from names like Alfred Angelo or Vera Wang? With all the different gown styles, a ball gown design may look like a Cinderella dream, but on a short person, one would look more like a topiary. As for a sheath and mermaid gown design. C’mon, you’ve got to be kidding. Unless you have the height of Nicole Kidman, forget trying these babies. When dreaming of a perfect gown, every bride dreams of a long and beautiful train with a flowing veil. Short people can’t walk down the aisle with a long train unless this train has wheels! I wonder if any short grooms have anything to say?

Notes:

Author spent many months looking for a gown. Visiting countless boutiques in LA. It was a disastrous experience. With the help of her future MIL, she was lucky enough to have her strapless A-line gown custom-made. Custom made to fit her height. Her tiara was the size of a kiddie tiara. The veil was short - reaching her elbows. No train.

The shoe buying experience is another story...

Marriage = Wedding

Does marriage begin before the wedding? The process of planning a wedding is filled with many challenges that provide the bride and groom with a first-hand taste of married life with the exception of those who have hired a wedding planner to manage all of the wedding details.

Nevertheless, planning your own wedding is a monumental task – often requiring good time and money management skills. Because of this great effort, many couples select a plan of attack such as deciding first who will foot the bill. For this reason, the size and magnitude of a wedding often depend on whether a couple pays for the wedding with their own money, or with mom and dad’s money. The trend, however, is that more couples are paying for their own weddings, which is why planning a wedding is a crazy simulation quite like married life. The interesting aspect of planning a wedding is that brides often take the planning process into their own hands as the groom takes a back seat.

I find that such an arrangement is an indication of how the couple will handle future decisions. The risk in having one partner do all the planning often becomes a game of assumptions wherein one partner will assume that the other wants to take on a task on their own as the other partner withdraws. Oddly enough couples that do share tasks equally in the planning process may very well end up having more success in their marriage as they take on a mutual roles. I think brides need to get grooms more involved in the wedding simply because it gives them the opportunity to not only learn about each other, but also identify how well they work together during challenging times. There are many lessons to be learned that will be helpful in facing a future together. In a nutshell, if the groom wants to know the meaning of fondant, Jordan almonds, or a calla lilies; I say, that brides should let them know!

A wedding in Baghdad

As the rest of the world focuses on the war in Iraq, love still manaages to conquer all. Little is known that the wedding industry in the country is booming. Who would’ve thought? Since the invasion began in 2003, estimated stats show that marriages have nearly doubled. Judges in Basra are said to have be overwhelmed with marriage contracts that many have had to turn away would-be brides and grooms. Why all of a sudden? At the time, Hussein was in power, men in the country had to ask the government for permission to get married! It is also believed that many people were less willing to get married for the lack of having a promising future. What really surprises me the most is the clip on CNN showing an Iraqi bride wearing a white wedding gown - a Western wedding tradition. While that much has certainly changed for the better, shooting guns up in the air is still a regular celebratory gesture – even in weddings. In the end, I do hope that women in the country are treated more fairly.

A long affair

Whatever happened to Charles and Camilla since their wedding last April? As usual, Prince Charles is still his old self – pompous and uptight. Camilla, now called the Duchess of Cornwall did not acquire the title of Princess of Wales for reasons I don’t really care about. What I really find intriguing about the whole “Charles and Camilla” affair was at how far back they had known each other. It turns out that they had dated in the 1970s – years before Charles had met Diana.

Godzilla kidnapped the bride

Bridezilla. Chauvinistic term or one crafted by the wedding industry to sensationalize the normal wedding frenzy associated with planning that dream wedding. While there are occasions where brides do make unreasonable demands such as wanting to have the absolute perfect shade of fuchsia-colored flowers, making sure the décor of placecard holder matches the wall decoration of the wedding hall, creating edible sugar flowers to decorate her napkin rings, or demanding that her ivory invitations must match the color of her chocolate favor boxes. To an outsider, it does look a bit crazy. After all, nobody will really notice the difference whether or not the shade of ivory favor boxes are not exactly the same color as the invitations. And, will guests really be appalled if the fuchsia flowers look more like hot pink? Or, will they care if the napkin rings are made of real versus edible flowers? The answer to this all is purely subjective. Is “bridezilla” really a monster or an outright perfectionist? I guess it depends on whose side your are on.

What's in a name

For the past 100 years, women have long been expected that they assume their husband’s surname after getting married. In what is considered a rite of passage so to speak, some women take pride in changing their last name to become the new Mrs. So and so. Never mind the hassle of having to change all of your personal records ranging from your passport to social security card because it’s all part of the process. Just how many percent of newly wed women change their name? I’m assuming that at least more than 50% do change their name. While another percentage choose the concatenated method by adding a dash. For instance, Miss Smith becomes Mrs. Smith-Wesson. There are also others who merge their last names with their husband’s – creating a new last name. For example, Mr. Wesson and Ms. Smith become Mr. And Mrs. Smesson. What I find even more intriguing is the notion that some women are now opting out of the whole process. Is it a whole new women’s lib movement or just a pragmatic move on their part? Maybe it’s a combination of both? I believe it’s the latter!

Top Gun Getting Hitched

So, it's official. Tom has proposed to Katie.

Here are the marriage stats:

1) None YET for Katie

2) Third marriage for Tom

Here are the divorce stats :

1) None YET for Katie

2) Two divorces for Tom

Here are the broken engagement stats :

1) One for Katie - formerly engaged to Chris Klein

2) None YET for Tom

Runaway - This time it's not the bride

We have all heard of brides having second thoughts about getting married. Those that actually speak up before the actual wedding day are spared of the embarrassment at having to cancel the wedding. But, for those who actually remain jittery and never speak up, running away from their wedding day becomes a spontaneous action. One that not only puzzles me, but also makes me wonder what makes these people decide not to marry after spending time and money on planning a wedding. Could it be some external factors like family that cause people to flee? Even more intriguing - brides are not the only ones running away.

Enter the runaway groom. In Malaysia, for instance, Hasmawi Hassan, claims recently acknowledge in their pre-wedding meeting, or akad nikah (marriage solemnisation) that he no longer wishes to get married – claiming that he was a victim of black magic. Putting that bizarre notion aside, he also claims that there are too many differences between them. Or, take, Rajib Bhattacharjee from India. Two days before he was to tie the knot, he simply disappeared. After he was found by police in Mughalsarai and admitted to a hospital for treatment, police reports say Rajib did not know what had happened on the day he supposedly disappeared. Hmm. Despite this strange behavior, the bride and groom were married later that week. Lastly, take Kenneth Souza from Redondo Beach, California who has yet to be found by police. Are all of these cases similar in that grooms are now having seconds thoughts? Or, perhaps these cases have always been around, but are only now receiving real attention.

Shaken, but not stirred

Just had another quake today. When you live 15 stories up, it just feels worse.

Money, money, money...

According to the "American Weddings" survey from The Fairchild Bridal Group, the average cost of a wedding will reach as high as $30K. Some people may find this figure a bit shocking, but when you consider such factors as inflation and increasing energy costs, it is no surprise that walking down the aisle is more like walking down the plank of bankruptcy (okay, a bit exaggerated), but you get the point. Nevertheless, some people look at such lavish spending as being socially irresponsible or downright selfish. Let’s take their view for a moment. Yes, there are millions of starving people in Africa and in America, as well. Yes, there are more sensible ways to spend money besides putting down $2000 on flowers that will die after the wedding, $300 on favors that will be given away to guests, and $5000 on a gown that will only be worn once. From a third world perspective, it certainly looks profligate. On the other hand, there are others who believe that weddings are special occasions worthy of spending. This is not to say that you should hire elephant rides as Nicole Richie plans to do, but perhaps spending a little more money on weddings merely equates to making one’s special day truly memorable. In a nutshell, if a couple wants to splurge, let them. Who are we to judge?

Honey

While eating sushi at my favorite restaurant in LA, a conversation between a couple strikes up as a humorous observation of how women use words as “woo charms.” Every couple has some form of unique vernacular between them. There’s nothing wrong with using pet names interspersed with foreign or English phrases, but what I do find most irritating is when men or women precede every other sentence with the word “honey.” To make it clear, I for one do not use that phrase ever for it is plain corny.

Unless I’m talking to a four year old, I would never use that phrase on my partner. It would be so un-me. Anyways, as this couple began to decide on their order, the girl began every sentence with “honey.” So, think of this:

Honey, what would you like to order?
Honey, I think you should you have some soup?
Honey, do you want to order beer?

Without going into further detail, I decided to spare myself the agony of further listening into their conversation by finishing up my teriyaki salmon and skipping dessert.

The Ticking Clock

The average marrying age for women is 27, while the average for having a baby is in her 30s. Experts have long indicated that for a woman to have a baby later in her life is risky due to several factors, but namely fertility issues. Probably the most disturbing aspect is the pressure society puts upon women once they reach that age wherein they should be getting married and starting a family. Those that seemingly delay kids are viewed as having some sort of materialistic or selfish desire to remain childless. In all due reality, it is simply not that easy for many newly married 30-somethings to have children right away as many women are now faced between balancing financial and career responsibilities with the pressure of having a baby. While there are studies that point to conceiving at an earlier age, the most controversial and recent findings seem to indicate otherwise - that having a baby at 34 is the “ideal” age for women. With this study, researchers at the University of Texas found that such women are more mature and better prepared to not only handle the many demands of motherhood, but also the financial and emotional components. With all of these various research findings and claims, should a 33-year old female, married, and working be worried or be content that having a child at 34 is just fine? Whether we try to live up to society expectations or not, though, the cards are still stacked up against women for one simple reason – the ticking biological clock. And, it ain’t a Swatch watch, either.

From 11 to 12

There are many ways to finding a wife or husband, but not one as queer as the method used by the King of Swaziland who married wife #12 shortly after marrying wife #11. Both of whom he had seen during a dance in honor of the Queen Mother. It wasn’t your ordinary dance, either.

Three Strikes and Your Out

At 11pm, what would somebody be doing be at a Border’s Bookstore. Call it having no life…

While browsing restlessly through the magazine section, I couldn’t help, but notice the glossy array of glamorous bridal mags. Each with their own distinct style and personality with the goal of helping prospective brides plan their weddings. That’s about 5 - 10% of the entire magazine, while the remainder is a barrage of ads. These ads are of wedding gowns, more gowns, and more gowns. Looking over these mags becomes a dizzying experience of one endless gown ad after the other with an occasional “break” of a different ad from a jewelrer, invitation, or gift registry.

I beg to find some quality content, but to my chagrin, the line becomes even more blurry when landing on the “as-featured” or “what’s hot” section, since most of the names of advertisers are also visibly featured on these sections deemed as editor’s picks. Should bridal mags be the only ones guilty of pushing ads/content/ads to their readers?

It’s difficult to claim that bridal mags are guilty of pushing endless ads to their readers because one can say that fashion mags appear to be just the same, as well. Dissect any other magazine from a different genre, and perhaps you’d get the same result. What are the editors thinking? They're thinking bottom line, bottom line, and bottom line.

Reaching a saturation point – after “reading” three mags is all I can take…

Time to go home and get some quality information from TV!

Coffee Talk

I knew my latte drinking days at Starbucks was worth something:

Sipping a Latte + Overheard Conversation about a cheating spouse = entry on blog about the psychology behind what attracts people to each other

The U.S. Census Bureau 2004-2005 states “that each year, there are some 2.3 million weddings across the nation. In six out of ten cases, both bride and groom are marrying for the first time. Unfortunately, every year there are also about half as many divorces as there are marriages.” We often hear the experts say that like-minded people make better mates than opposites. So, with 2.3 million weddings, are all of these people choosing compatible mates? That would be shortsighted at the least to say that all of them marry because they found somebody compatible. I believe that it isn’t just about having similar “psyches” (okay, plural form of psyche?) because more often that not people who think the same make the same decisions and mistakes. It would be very scary to marry the one person who thinks exactly like me. It would be equally scary to marry somebody who is my opposite because we would be compromising on a daily basis. The irony of it all is that people say that love conquers all whether you are the same or not. Perhaps there is some truth to this notion because love functions as that irrational force behind logic and reason that puts things in chaotic order. And when that love fizzles out, we all know what happens.

Notes:

Other psychology surveys are available at -
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/index_surveys.shtml

Take a test - find a mate

They say that you can find your soulmate through eharmony.com. A personality profile test will match you match you with a compatible mate. Hmm. Perhaps we need them in kiosks at the mall.

Say "I DO" by Feng Shui

Step aside wedding planners – Feng Shui weddings are here? When you can’t decide on what time to get hitched or what color to wear to the wedding, it seems that Chinese couples often turn to Feng Shui for an answer. But, is it really worth the advice? Let’s take on some examples. For one thing, Feng Shui advisors say that 2005 is considered an auspicious year to have a baby, propose marriage, or get married. Or, say, a morning wedding is better than a late afternoon or evening wedding because a ceremony amidst a sunset signifies an ending (e.g., death) rather than a beginning. Moreover, giving sharp or pointed objects such as letter openers as guest mementos are considered as ominous tokens. Lastly, wearing black or white is a definite “no-no” because the color is often a symbol of mourning or death. From the way it sounds, my interpretation is that a Feng Shui style wedding comes as being sensible more than anything else. For one thing, a wedding in the morning saves you more money than an afternoon or evening event, while wearing black to a wedding would be very disrespectful to the host. Whether practical or just plain mystical, perhaps Feng Shui is a better alternative to spending thousands on useless wedding guides and planners.